feeling so complicated

I miss you, dad!
Our last picture.

1.  It's tearing up my heart when i couldn't see any unity around me..everyone has their own clique.. I was ignored when they don't need me..I was called up when they need a driver or help.I was stupid enough to help. because i know I'm helping my friends.Now, who are my friends when i need someone to talk to? when i need comfort?i do not want to hear anything from you but what i need just a listener. Listen and understand..I do not want any sympathy..
2. Relationship it's really hard for me to understand. Used to have a very close relationship with mum and now i do not know what happened. No matter what i did i just got scolding. i dun mind getting scolding. Will you like to go back home to see someone with black face whenever u are back? This relationship is so hard. My heart bleeds more now. 
3. I know i shouldn't say this but i really miss dad so badly..Everytime when i see someones' dad hold or hug their daughter it makes me think of dad..I wish i could talk to dad too.. and give me advices..
4. Really wanna thanks Electra and Joe yie..No matter how many times i turn down the invitation, they did not blame or say anything. But it was so surprised that they will still care and concern for me when i feel so hopeless,tired and sad. Really love their company.
5. Recently i was really really lazy to do anything..and i do not feel like doing anything too..that makes my group members despise me even more. i was so tired to continue .............
6. Baptism // getting water baptise : for being the only christian in the family. This is really hard God. I am still not bold enough to do anything for you. Father in heaven , I'm really really sorry.